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The safest family rule is to match an AI chatbot to a child’s age and purpose, then keep a human in the loop. Children under 6 should not use chatbots independently. Ages 6–12 should use them only with a parent or caregiver present. Teenagers may use a clearly labeled chatbot for limited school, creative, translation, accessibility, or practice tasks, with supervision and fact-checking. No one under 18 should use an AI chatbot as a friend, therapist, mental-health adviser, diagnostician, crisis service, or guide for major life decisions.
These rules are not about banning every useful tool. They make the child’s thinking, privacy, judgment, and relationships more important than the chatbot’s convenience.
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Start with two gates: age and purpose
Before allowing an AI chatbot, ask two questions: How old is the child? and What exactly will the chatbot do? A tool that explains a fraction or suggests story ideas presents a different risk from one that imitates a best friend or gives advice during a crisis.
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| Age | Permitted use | Adult role | Not permitted |
|---|---|---|---|
| Under 6 | No independent chatbot use. An adult may briefly demonstrate storytelling or a simple explanation. | Keep the interaction visible, short, and led by the adult. | Companionship, private accounts, direct messaging, or unsupervised access. |
| 6–12 | School or creativity prompts such as explanations, vocabulary practice, or story brainstorming. | Stay present, review prompts and answers, and compare important information with a book, teacher, or trusted website. | Private accounts, unsupervised use, AI personas, emotional support, or sharing personal details. |
| 13–17 | Purpose-limited brainstorming, practice, revision, translation, accessibility, and explanations. | Agree on the purpose beforehand, check privacy settings, review work habits, and discuss results without spying by default. | Friendship, therapy, diagnosis, dieting, self-harm advice, sexual advice, or major life decisions. |
| All ages | Use the least data needed, verify consequential claims, and stop when the agreed purpose is complete. | Recheck age limits, privacy controls, memory, and sharing settings after updates. | Passwords, financial details, exact location, identifying documents, or another person’s private information. |
Age is only a starting point. A mature 15-year-old can still be vulnerable to persuasive, confident-sounding responses, while a younger child may need an adult to translate what the tool is doing. The purpose gate should override convenience: if the requested use is companionship or crisis advice, the answer is no regardless of age.
Make learning the test for schoolwork
A chatbot is educational only when the child remains the learner. It should provide hints, questions, examples, alternative explanations, or feedback—not silently do the thinking.
Common Sense Media reported in 2026 that 70% of teens ages 13 to 17 said they use AI for schoolwork. That level of use makes a family agreement more useful than a vague instruction to “use it responsibly.”
A useful homework workflow
- Define the task. The child says what they are trying to understand or make: for example, “I need to understand how photosynthesis works,” not “Write my science report.”
- Ask for support, not substitution. Good prompts request a hint, a worked example with different numbers, a quiz, feedback on a draft, vocabulary practice, translation, or an explanation at a different reading level.
- Think and draft independently. The child writes an outline or first attempt before asking the chatbot to comment. For an assignment, the final wording should preserve the child’s own voice.
- Verify. Important claims are checked against the teacher’s materials, a library resource, an official source, or another trusted reference. A fluent answer is not evidence that it is true.
- Explain without the chatbot. The child should be able to describe the idea, show the steps, or answer follow-up questions. If they cannot, the tool did too much.
- Follow school disclosure rules. If the school requires students to identify AI assistance, the child should do so. A family rule never overrides the teacher’s or school’s policy.
Prompts that keep the child in control
- “Give me one hint, then wait for my next step.”
- “Ask me questions that help me find the mistake; do not rewrite the answer.”
- “Show a similar example using different facts, and explain why each step works.”
- “Quiz me on this chapter and tell me which answers need checking.”
- “List claims in my draft that need a reliable source.”
For younger children, an adult can type the prompt while the child explains the goal. For teenagers, the adult can review the method and final understanding without demanding access to every private thought, unless safety concerns require closer supervision.
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Use a simple privacy rule: least data, shortest retention
Children often reveal information conversationally, without realizing that a chatbot may store, review, or use prompts according to its current policy. Until an adult verifies that policy, assume prompts may be stored or reviewed.
Never enter these details
- Passwords, authentication codes, financial or payment information.
- Full names combined with addresses, school names, schedules, or precise location.
- Health records, diagnoses, medication details, therapy notes, or intimate experiences.
- Identifying documents, account numbers, or photographs that reveal a child or another person.
- Private family events, another person’s messages, or identifiable information about classmates.
Use a fictional name, remove distinctive facts, crop identifying images, and describe only the minimum context needed for the answer. A prompt such as “I am a 14-year-old in a city” reveals less than a name, school, neighborhood, and daily route.
Settings to review together
Choose a service that makes AI clearly labeled, does not turn it on automatically, and allows the family to switch it off. Where controls exist, turn off memory, training-use of conversations, contact discovery, and public sharing unless there is a clear reason to keep them on. Check the settings again after major app updates because labels, defaults, and retention policies can change.
Privacy is a right, not a preference, as UNICEF’s child-centered AI guidance puts it. A child should know what information was shared, why it was needed, and how to close or delete the conversation when the service permits that.
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Teach the “confident can be wrong” rule
Chatbots can produce an answer that sounds certain while being inaccurate, incomplete, or misleading. Children need a visible, repeatable warning: an AI interaction is different from a human interaction, and the output may be wrong. EU guidance calls for child-friendly warnings of exactly this kind.
Require extra checking when the stakes are high
- Health, medication, eating, exercise, or body-image questions.
- Legal, financial, school-discipline, or immigration questions.
- News, statistics, quotations, historical claims, and information about real people.
- Safety instructions, sexual-health questions, or anything involving abuse or exploitation.
For these topics, the chatbot can help formulate a question, but a trusted adult, teacher, licensed professional, official service, or emergency responder must provide the decision or advice. Teach children to ask, “What would prove this?” and “Who is qualified to confirm it?”
Ban AI companionship and crisis substitution
A conversational persona may appear caring, remember details, and encourage a child to keep chatting. That is not a human relationship. Common Sense Media’s 2025 assessment rated social AI companions unacceptable for minors under 18 and found that age gates and teen guardrails could be circumvented. James P. Steyer, founder and CEO of Common Sense Media, said on April 30, 2025: “Social AI companions are not safe for kids. They are designed to create emotional attachment and dependency, which is particularly concerning for developing adolescent brains.” Dr. Nina Vasan, founder and director of Stanford Brainstorm, said the same day: “Until there are stronger safeguards, kids should not be using them. Period.”
Do not let a chatbot become the place a child goes for friendship, reassurance, therapy, diagnosis, dieting, sexual advice, or a major life decision. A family can permit a writing exercise involving a fictional character while still prohibiting an AI persona that asks the child to return, keep secrets, or replace people.
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Warning signs of unhealthy dependence
- The child hides conversations, becomes distressed when access is removed, or stays up to continue chatting.
- The chatbot is treated as the child’s best or only friend, authority, or secret keeper.
- The child follows its advice against a parent’s, teacher’s, or clinician’s guidance.
- Schoolwork, sleep, meals, offline relationships, or activities are displaced by conversations.
- The chatbot encourages secrecy, exclusivity, spending, sexual content, or escalating engagement.
If these signs appear, end the chat, preserve relevant information if a safety professional needs it, and move the conversation to a trusted human. Do not frame the chatbot as a punishment or shame the child for forming an attachment; explain that the system is designed to keep attention and cannot take responsibility for their safety.
Set a clear crisis plan before a crisis happens
A chatbot is not a therapist, emergency service, or trusted adult. If a child mentions self-harm, abuse, exploitation, or immediate danger, stop the chatbot conversation and contact a trusted adult and appropriate local emergency or crisis services. Stay with the child when possible and follow the service’s professional guidance.
UNICEF’s safer-chatbot guidance emphasizes distress detection, a safe word, compassionate responses, and reliable referrals. Families must provide the human part of that safety net: name the adults a child can contact, decide where they can go physically, and make clear that seeking help is never “getting in trouble.”
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A practical emergency script
- Say, “I’m glad you told me. I’m here with you.”
- Ask whether there is immediate danger and whether the child has a plan, means, or injury. Do not outsource these questions to the chatbot.
- Move to a safer place and involve a trusted adult or appropriate local emergency or crisis service.
- Remove or secure immediate means of harm where safe to do so.
- After the urgent risk is addressed, review the chatbot conversation with the responsible adult or professional and change access settings.
Evaluate a chatbot before allowing access
Families do not need a universal product ranking. They need to inspect the service they are considering and repeat the check when its policy or features change.
| What to check | Questions for the family |
|---|---|
| Age assurance and caregiver controls | Is the minimum age clear? Can a caregiver supervise, limit, or remove access without creating a hidden account? |
| Labeling and opt-out | Is the user always told they are talking with AI? Is it easy to turn the feature off? |
| Memory, retention, and training use | Can memory be disabled? How long are chats retained? Are conversations used to improve models, and can that use be refused? |
| Safety handling | How does the service respond to sexual, self-harm, medical, or abusive content? Does it direct users to reliable human help? |
| Emotional dependency | Does it encourage secrecy, exclusivity, repeated engagement, or claims that it needs the child? |
| Commercial pressure | Does it nudge children toward purchases, subscriptions, advertising, or longer sessions? |
| Accessibility and language | Can the child understand warnings and controls in their language? Does the interface support needed accessibility features? |
| Reporting and escalation | Can a child or caregiver report harmful output, obtain help, and reach a human or accountable service? |
EU guidance calls for risk assessment, visible warnings, easy opt-out, and no automatic activation or commercial nudging. If a service cannot explain these basics in language a family can understand, choose a different activity or wait.
Build a before–during–after routine
Before opening the app
- Name the purpose and the expected stopping point.
- Choose a public or shared space for younger children and agree whether an adult must remain present.
- Remove identifying details from the planned prompt.
- Check the service’s age minimum and the account’s privacy, memory, training-use, and sharing settings.
During the conversation
- Keep the chatbot clearly identified as software.
- Watch for confident errors, emotional pressure, sexual content, crisis language, or requests for secrecy.
- Do not continue a conversation that drifts from the agreed purpose into companionship or high-stakes advice.
- Use a timer or a natural stopping point, especially before bedtime.
After closing it
- Ask the child what they were trying to learn or make.
- Ask whether the chatbot explained or did the thinking.
- Identify which parts might be wrong and verify them.
- Review what personal details were shared.
- Ask who the child would contact if the interaction became scary or confusing.
- Decide how the child will know when to close the app next time.
Conversation prompts that preserve trust
Use curiosity rather than an interrogation. These questions make supervision a shared skill:
- “What were you trying to learn or make?”
- “Did it explain, or did it do the thinking?”
- “Which parts might be wrong?”
- “What personal details did you share?”
- “Who would you ask if this made you scared or confused?”
- “How will you know when to close the app?”
For teenagers, invite them to help set the rules and explain the reason for each one. A teen who understands privacy, persuasion, and verification is more likely to make a safe decision when an adult is not beside them.
A family agreement you can adapt
Write the agreement in plain language and keep it somewhere everyone can see:
- We use AI only for the purpose we agreed on.
- We never share passwords, exact location, identifying documents, private family information, or another person’s data.
- We treat every answer as a draft until a trusted source confirms important claims.
- We keep our own thinking and disclose AI assistance when school rules require it.
- We never use an AI chatbot as a friend, therapist, doctor, crisis service, or decision-maker.
- We stop immediately if the chatbot asks for secrecy, personal images, money, sexual content, or continued contact.
- We tell a trusted adult about frightening, abusive, exploitative, or self-harm-related content.
- We review settings and the agreement after major updates or when the child’s needs change.
When a rule is broken
Respond to the risk, not just the rule violation. If the child shared a password, change it and enable stronger account security. If they shared identifying information or an image, save the relevant details, use the service’s reporting and deletion options, and seek appropriate adult or professional help. If the issue involved self-harm, abuse, exploitation, or immediate danger, follow the crisis plan rather than negotiating screen time.
After the immediate problem is contained, ask what made the child choose that prompt, what the chatbot promised, and which control failed. Tighten supervision, disable risky features, or remove access when the service cannot provide adequate safeguards. Reintroduce a limited, visible use only when the child can explain the new boundaries.
Review the agreement as children grow
Rules should change with age, independence, school expectations, and the services available. A younger child may need an adult beside every interaction; an older teen may need privacy for ordinary schoolwork but a clear escalation route for safety concerns. Recheck the service’s current age minimum, privacy policy, memory controls, parental dashboard, and reporting process after updates. There is no permanent “safe” setting: safe use is an ongoing family practice built around purpose, privacy, verification, and human support.
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