If someone you have met only online asks you for money or gifts, do not pay. The FTC’s rule is clear: never send money or gifts to a romantic interest you have not met in person. Early declarations of love, repeated excuses for not meeting, pressure to leave the dating platform, and a sudden emergency can help explain how the request developed—but you do not need to prove a scam before refusing it.
How can I tell if someone I met online is a romance scammer before I send them money?
No single behavior proves that a person is a scammer. Look for a pattern: intense affection grows quickly, the person stays at a distance or repeatedly cancels plans, tries to move the conversation into private channels, and eventually asks for money, sensitive information, or help with an investment. Urgency and secrecy make that pattern more concerning.
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The clearest decision point is a request for money or gifts from someone you have not met in person. Treat it as a stop sign, whether the stated reason is travel, medical care, a visa, legal trouble, a blocked account, a package fee, or an investment. The FTC explains common romance-scam tactics and payment requests in What To Know About Romance Scams.
Warning signs to look for in the relationship
Affection or commitment arrives unusually fast
Someone who says they love you or want to marry you before you have had an ordinary chance to get to know each other may be trying to create trust quickly. Speed alone does not establish fraud; take it seriously when it accompanies distance, secrecy, or a request for money.
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They cannot meet, and plans keep falling through
A contact may claim to be overseas, in the military, working on an oil rig, or otherwise unable to meet. A job or location claim by itself is not proof of a scam. Repeatedly canceled meetings followed by a financial emergency are a much stronger warning pattern.
They want to control where you talk and whom you tell
A push to leave the dating app or social platform for private messaging can reduce the platform’s visibility into the conversation. Be especially cautious if the person also urges you to keep the relationship secret or discourages you from talking with friends or family. Isolation can make it harder to get an outside perspective.
An emergency turns into a payment request
The explanation may involve surgery, travel, a visa, legal trouble, a business problem, a blocked account, or a package that supposedly needs a fee. It may be presented as temporary help, or as the only way to make a promised visit happen. A plausible story does not make sending money safe.
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Requests for account details, identity information, intimate images, or access to your finances can expose you to theft or extortion. Do not share them to prove affection or trust. Do not accept and forward money or packages for the person, either; the FBI warns that romance-scam victims can be manipulated into money-mule activity.
Why payment method and urgency matter
A scammer may push for a fast payment that is difficult to reverse, such as a wire transfer, gift card, money-transfer app, or cryptocurrency. They may also invite you to put money into a supposedly profitable crypto or stock investment. A request to act immediately is not evidence that the emergency is real; it can make it harder to pause, verify, and ask for advice.
FBI Philadelphia Special Agent in Charge Wayne A. Jacobs put the boundary plainly on February 3, 2026: “Requests for money, cryptocurrency, or your personal information are clear warning signs of a scam, not a legitimate relationship.” See the FBI Philadelphia advisory.
How to check a person’s claims before you act
- Pause and ask someone you trust. Show a friend or relative the request and relevant messages. An outside perspective can help counter pressure to keep the relationship secret.
- Search the photo and profile details. A reverse image search may show whether a photo appears under another name or in an unrelated context. Search the claimed occupation together with “scammer,” as the FTC suggests. These checks can reveal inconsistencies; they cannot conclusively verify who is behind an account.
- Verify important claims independently. If the person cites an organization, employer, or official issue, find contact details independently rather than relying on links or phone numbers they supplied.
- Keep the conversation on the platform while you assess it. A rapid move to private messaging is a warning sign when paired with secrecy, urgency, or a financial request.
- Do not send money or gifts. Do not make an exception for a compelling emergency, a promised visit, or an investment opportunity if you have not met the person in person.
Image and video are not identity checks. An FBI advisory dated February 12, 2026, says criminals are using AI-generated photos and other fabricated material, so a polished profile or convincing video does not establish who is contacting you. The same advisory reports that the FBI San Antonio Division received complaints of more than $28 million in losses from confidence and romance scams in 2025, compared with $15.8 million in 2024. Those are division-level amounts based on complaints filed with IC3—not national totals or a count of all actual losses. Read the FBI San Antonio advisory.
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You do not need to confront the person or persuade them to admit what they are doing. Stop the conversation, use the dating or social platform’s report and block tools, and do not send money, personal information, or more images. The FBI’s Romance Scams guidance describes common warning signs and reporting options.
Independent reader supportYour contribution helps us test, update, and keep practical guides available for everyone.If you already sent money or shared information
- Stop contact and send nothing more. Do not pay an additional fee said to be necessary to release or recover money already sent.
- Contact the payment provider immediately. Call the bank, card issuer, wire-transfer company, money-transfer app, gift-card issuer, or cryptocurrency platform used. Say the payment went to a suspected scammer and ask whether it can be stopped, recalled, or disputed. The FTC advises contacting the company or bank right away; recovery is not guaranteed and depends on the payment method and timing. Its steps are in What To Know About Romance Scams.
- Preserve evidence. Save messages, account names, phone numbers, email addresses, payment receipts, wallet addresses, and profile URLs. The FBI San Antonio advisory says not to delete communications.
- Report the account and the fraud. Report the profile to the service where contact began and submit a report to the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. In the United States, you can also file an internet crime complaint with the FBI’s IC3 and consider contacting local police or the FBI.
- Respond to any requested software installation. If you installed software at the person’s request, the FBI San Antonio advisory says to disconnect the device from the internet, shut it down, and report the incident to law enforcement.
What a warning sign can—and cannot—tell you
A warning sign is a reason to pause, protect your information, and verify claims; it is not proof of a person’s identity or intent. But you do not need certainty to set a boundary. If someone you have not met in person asks for money or gifts, decline and seek advice from someone you trust.
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