If a child tells you they have been abused, stay calm, listen without pressing for details, reassure them that you believe them and that it is not their fault, then connect the concern to the right safeguarding or child-protection service. If they are in immediate danger, contact the emergency service where they are.
What should I say when a child tells me about abuse?
Give the child your full attention and let them speak at their own pace. Keep your voice and manner calm, even if you feel shocked or upset. Thank them for telling you and make clear that you take them seriously.
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Short, simple statements can help:
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “I’m listening.”
- “You’ve done the right thing by telling me.”
- “This isn’t your fault.”
- “I may need to tell someone who can help keep you safe, and I’ll explain what happens next.”
UNICEF also suggests reassuring a child, “I’m sorry this happened to you” and “It’s not your fault.” UNICEF’s Child Safeguarding Toolkit frames these as comfort statements.
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Listen to what the child chooses to share; do not quiz them for a complete account, ask detailed or leading questions, or try to investigate what happened yourself. Avoid confronting the person the child identifies. Detailed fact-finding belongs with appropriately trained professionals, not an informal conversation.
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If you genuinely need to clarify something to address an immediate safety concern, keep the question neutral and limited. Do not suggest an answer or introduce details the child has not mentioned. NSPCC Learning’s professional guidance advises supportive listening and accurate recording rather than amateur investigation.
Should I promise to keep the disclosure secret?
No. Do not promise secrecy when a child may be at risk. Explain in words they can understand that you may need to tell someone whose role is to help keep them safe. Share the concern through the appropriate safeguarding or child-protection channel, rather than with people who do not need to know.
Be honest about what you know and what you do not know. You can explain the next step you expect to take, but do not promise a particular investigation result or that you will be able to tell them everything that happens.
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What should I do after the conversation?
If you work or volunteer with children
Follow your organization’s safeguarding procedure and promptly tell its designated safeguarding lead, child-protection lead, or focal point. If the child is in immediate danger, contact emergency services first, then follow up through the organization’s reporting process. UNICEF’s organizational safeguarding toolkit emphasizes clear reporting procedures and designated safeguarding roles.
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If you are a parent, relative, or other concerned adult
Report the concern promptly to the child-protection authority or service responsible where the child is located. If you are unsure whether the concern meets a threshold, seek advice from the appropriate local service instead of waiting until you feel certain. In the UK, the NSPCC says you do not need to be certain before sharing a concern; that is UK service guidance, not a universal statement of legal duties.
Make a factual record when appropriate
For a verbal disclosure, professional guidance recommends noting relevant details and the child’s exact words as soon as you can, then sharing the record with the designated lead. Keep the account factual; distinguish what the child said from what you observed or inferred. Follow your organization’s rules and local requirements for storing and sharing sensitive information.
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What if the child may be in immediate danger?
Contact the emergency service for the place where the child is. The correct number depends on location: for example, the NSPCC directs people in the UK to call 999 if a child is in immediate danger. Do not use a country-specific number as though it applies everywhere. Once the immediate danger is addressed, report through the relevant safeguarding or child-protection route.
Do I have to report a child’s disclosure?
The reporting route and any legal duty depend on where the child is and, in some places, on your role. A teacher, youth worker, volunteer, family member, and other adult may have different responsibilities under local law or organizational policy. Do not assume one rule applies everywhere: check the applicable local requirements and, if you work with children, follow your safeguarding procedure.
For US readers, RAINN notes that reporting requirements vary by state. NSPCC’s phone numbers and services are UK-specific. Wherever you are, immediate danger calls for the local emergency service; other concerns should be routed promptly to the appropriate child-protection service or safeguarding lead.
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