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If your parent says they want to die, take it seriously and ask plainly: “Are you thinking about suicide?” Listen without judgment, find out whether they may be in immediate danger, and help them connect with support. In the United States, call or text 988 for crisis support; if danger for self-harm seems imminent, call 911. If you are elsewhere, contact your local crisis or emergency service.
What to say first
If there is no immediate danger, find a private, calm moment. You might start: “I love you, and I’m glad you told me. When you say you want to die, are you thinking about suicide?” The direct question follows guidance from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). NIMH says that asking someone whether they are thinking about suicide does not increase suicidal behavior or thoughts.
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Use a steady, caring tone. You do not need a perfect phrase or an instant solution; the aim is to understand what your parent means and help them stay connected to support.
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Give your parent room to speak. Try brief responses such as “I’m listening” or “I want to understand.” You can reflect what you heard: “I heard you say ___. Did I understand?” The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) recommends listening without judgment, speaking kindly, and reflecting the person’s words.
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Avoid shaming, debating, or rushing to reassure them that everything will be fine. Acknowledging their distress is not the same as agreeing with hopelessness; it helps keep the conversation open.
Ask whether they are in immediate danger
Ask calmly whether they have a plan to hurt themselves. NIMH says asking about a plan can help with safety. Keep the focus on what is needed to understand immediate risk; do not turn the conversation into an interrogation or ask for graphic details.
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Take seriously signs such as talking about wanting to die, feeling hopeless or trapped, saying they are a burden, making a plan or researching ways to die, withdrawing, saying goodbye, giving away important items, taking dangerous risks, marked mood changes, changes in sleep or eating, or increased alcohol or drug use. NIMH lists these as possible warning signs, not a diagnosis or a certain prediction. Seek help as soon as possible, especially if a behavior is new or has recently increased. See NIMH’s warning signs of suicide.
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Choose the next step based on urgency
| Situation | What to do |
|---|---|
| Your parent is talking about suicide, but danger does not seem imminent | Offer to call or text 988 together in the United States, or help them contact a trusted person or mental-health professional. |
| Danger for self-harm seems imminent | Call 911 in the United States. Stay with your parent, or make sure another caring person is with them in a secure place while help is arranged. |
SAMHSA advises calling or texting 988 to speak with a crisis counselor, and calling 911 if danger for self-harm seems imminent. In an apparent immediate crisis, do not leave your parent alone while arranging help. If you can do so safely, move objects they could use to hurt themselves out of reach. Follow directions from the dispatcher or crisis counselor.
Help them connect to support
Instead of giving a lecture, offer a specific action: “Can we call or text 988 together?” or “Would you like me to sit with you while we contact someone you trust?” NIMH recommends helping someone connect with 988, community resources, trusted people, or a mental-health professional. A trusted family member, friend, or clinician can also help provide support, particularly if you cannot stay with your parent yourself.
If your parent refuses help, respond with care and keep the conversation open. It may take more than one conversation for someone to accept support, as SAMHSA notes. Continue taking their safety seriously; if danger appears imminent, call emergency services rather than relying on persuasion alone.
Check in after the immediate crisis
After your parent has connected with help or left crisis care, stay in touch and ask how they are doing. NIMH includes follow-up among its recommended actions and notes that staying connected after a crisis or discharge from care can make a difference. You can also help them maintain contact with trusted people and a mental-health professional.
Getting help outside the United States
The crisis and emergency numbers above are for the United States. If you are in another country, use your local crisis line or emergency services; the cited U.S. sources do not establish international numbers.
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