If you are worried that a friend may be thinking about suicide, ask directly, listen without judgment, involve other trusted people, and connect them with trained help. In the United States, call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline; call 911 when an immediate, life-threatening emergency is occurring. Outside the U.S., use your local crisis service or emergency number.
You do not have to assess or manage suicide risk alone. Your role is to notice concern, start a compassionate conversation, help the person reach appropriate support, and stay involved while professionals and trusted people share responsibility.
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What to do first if your friend may be in immediate danger
Act urgently if your friend says they are going to kill themselves or you believe a life-threatening attempt may be underway. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) advises not leaving them alone and not promising secrecy in that situation. Tell someone who can help and contact emergency or crisis services promptly.
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In the United States
- Stay with the person if you can do so safely. Keep your voice calm and focus on the next few minutes rather than arguing about the future.
- Call 911 for an immediate life-threatening emergency. Explain clearly that you are concerned about suicide and describe the danger as accurately as you can.
- Tell a trusted person. Contact a family member, close friend, guardian, school or workplace support person, or another trusted adult who can help share responsibility.
- Use 988 for crisis support. You can call or text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, including as a concerned friend seeking guidance about available local resources.
Outside the United States
Use your country’s crisis line and emergency number. The 988 and 911 instructions above are U.S.-specific; do not assume those numbers work where you live.
What not to do in an emergency
- Do not leave the person alone when they say they are going to kill themselves.
- Do not promise to keep suicidal thoughts or plans secret.
- Do not dare them, challenge them to prove they are serious, or treat the disclosure as manipulation.
- Do not spend time debating whether suicide is morally right or wrong when urgent help is needed.
How do I ask my friend if they are thinking about suicide?
Choose a private moment when you have enough time to listen. You do not need a perfect introduction. Describe the change or concern you have noticed, then ask plainly. NIMH gives this example: Are you thinking about suicide?
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline likewise instructs people to be direct and to talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
A simple opening
You might say: I have noticed you seem overwhelmed and withdrawn. I care about you, and I want to ask directly: are you thinking about suicide? Use your own words, keep your tone steady, and then allow silence. A direct question is clearer than hints such as asking whether your friend is merely having a bad day.
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No. NIMH says that asking directly about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. Asking gives a person an opportunity to say what is happening and makes it easier to connect them with help.
If your friend says no
Accept the answer without interrogating them. You can say that you are glad they told you and that you are available to listen. If your concern remains, encourage them to speak with a mental health professional or another trusted person. Keep the door open rather than turning the conversation into a test they must pass.
What should I say if my friend says yes?
Thank them for telling you and acknowledge how difficult it may have been to speak. A response such as I’m glad you told me. Can I stay with you while we contact someone who can help? communicates care without suggesting that you can solve the crisis yourself.
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Ask about the situation calmly
NIMH recommends asking whether the person has a plan. Ask in plain language and listen to the answer:
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- Are you thinking about suicide right now?
- Have you made a plan?
- Can we contact someone who is trained to help, together?
These questions are for deciding how quickly to involve crisis or emergency support, not for conducting a clinical risk assessment. Do not promise a particular outcome or tell your friend that you can keep them safe by yourself.
When the answer suggests immediate danger
If your friend says they are going to kill themselves, follow the emergency steps: stay with them, do not agree to secrecy, involve a trusted person, and seek urgent help. In the U.S., call 911 for an immediate life-threatening situation and contact 988 for crisis support. If you are unsure what to do, call or text 988 and explain that you are a concerned friend.
When the answer is serious but not an immediate emergency
Continue listening and help your friend contact a crisis counselor, mental health professional, or trusted support person. Offer to make the call or send the text together, sit with them while they arrange an appointment, or go with them if that is appropriate and safe. If the situation becomes immediately life-threatening, move to emergency help rather than trying to maintain an informal plan between the two of you.
How to listen without making the conversation worse
Listening is an active skill. Let your friend describe what they are feeling without interrupting to correct, minimize, or solve every sentence. Acknowledge the pain even when you do not fully understand its cause.
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- That sounds incredibly painful.
- I’m here with you right now.
- Thank you for telling me.
- Let’s bring in someone trained to help.
- We can take the next step together.
These responses recognize the person’s feelings and move toward support. You can ask what kind of help feels most possible while still explaining that urgent danger requires immediate action.
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Responses to avoid
- Acting shocked, angry, or offended that your friend told you.
- Lecturing about the value of life or listing reasons they should feel grateful.
- Debating whether suicide is right or wrong.
- Offering glib reassurance such as promising that everything will be fine.
- Trying to win an argument, dare the person, or insist that they simply think positively.
Avoid turning the disclosure into a discussion of your own fear or guilt. You can acknowledge that you are concerned while keeping the focus on your friend’s safety and connection to help.
How to help keep your friend safe
Share responsibility with trusted people
Suicide risk should not become a private agreement between two friends. With the person’s safety in mind, involve a trusted family member, guardian, close friend, school or workplace support person, or another responsible adult. If the person is in immediate danger, do not wait for permission to tell someone who can help; NIMH specifically advises not promising secrecy.
Reduce access to highly lethal means when feasible
NIMH recommends reducing access to highly lethal items or places where feasible. Handle this collaboratively and safely, and involve trusted people or professionals rather than attempting a risky confrontation or searching for items alone. Means-safety steps are part of a broader support plan, not a replacement for crisis or professional care.
Use a professional safety plan
Safety planning and safe storage of lethal means are approaches supported by research and identified by NIMH. Ask a qualified professional to help create or review a plan with your friend. A friend can support the plan by helping make contacts and follow agreed steps, but should not present an informal checklist as treatment or assume sole responsibility for enforcement.
How can I help my friend reach professional support?
There are two connected routes: immediate crisis support and ongoing professional care. They serve different purposes and one does not replace the other.
| Route | When it fits | What it provides | How a friend can help |
|---|---|---|---|
| 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline | Suicidal thoughts, concern about a friend, or a need for crisis guidance in the U.S. | Immediate crisis support and help identifying local resources. | Call or text 988 with your friend, or contact 988 yourself as a concerned friend. |
| Mental health professional | Ongoing assessment, treatment, and follow-up beyond the immediate crisis. | Professional care coordinated to the person’s needs. | Help find a professional, make contact, arrange transportation, or sit with the person while they reach out. |
| 911 emergency services | An immediate, life-threatening emergency in the U.S. | Urgent emergency response. | Call 911, stay with the person when safe, and provide responders with clear information. |
Calling or texting 988 with a friend
Offer a specific action: Would you call or text 988 with me while I stay here? The Lifeline says concerned friends can contact 988 to ask what resources are available locally. You can explain what your friend has said, whether there is a plan, and whether there is immediate danger. Follow the counselor’s guidance and continue involving trusted people as appropriate.
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Connecting to ongoing care
Help your friend take one concrete step, such as identifying a mental health professional, requesting an appointment, or asking a trusted person to help coordinate care. If an appointment is scheduled, support practical follow-through without making attendance a condition of your friendship. Continued contact after a crisis or discharge from care can help the person remain connected to support.
If your friend refuses help
Keep listening and explain why you are concerned. Offer to contact 988 together or involve another trusted person. If your friend says they are going to kill themselves or an immediate life-threatening situation develops, do not treat refusal as the end of the conversation: do not leave them alone, do not promise secrecy, and seek emergency help.
Independent reader supportYour contribution helps us test, update, and keep practical guides available for everyone.What follow-up looks like after the conversation
Support should continue after the initial disclosure, crisis call, or discharge from care. NIMH recommends follow-up contact and identifies continued supportive contact as an important part of suicide prevention.
Make contact intentional
Agree on when you will check in next, then follow through. A message can be simple: I’m checking in as promised. How are you doing, and have you been able to connect with support? Keep communication open without demanding a detailed report every time.
Support connection, not dependence
Ask whether your friend reached the professional or crisis resource they planned to contact. If not, offer one practical next step. Encourage contact with several trusted people so that support does not depend entirely on you. If your own availability changes, tell your friend and help identify another person who can be present.
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If your friend again talks about suicide, ask directly and reassess the urgency of the situation. Return to the same principles: listen, do not promise secrecy, involve trusted people, and use crisis or emergency services according to the level of danger. A previous conversation does not make a new disclosure less important.
Common worries about having this conversation
What if I use the wrong words?
There is no required script. A calm, direct question and a willingness to listen are more useful than polished wording. If you say something awkward, acknowledge it and continue: I may not have said that well, but I care about you and I want to understand whether you are thinking about suicide.
What if my friend gets angry?
Stay calm and avoid arguing. Explain that you asked because you care and are concerned about safety. Anger does not mean you should abandon the conversation, but it also does not require you to manage the situation alone. Bring in a trusted person or crisis counselor, especially if the person’s statements indicate immediate danger.
What if my friend asks me to keep it secret?
Be honest before or during the disclosure that you cannot keep a suicide plan secret if someone may be in danger. You can say: I care about your privacy, but I cannot keep this to myself if I think you might die. I will tell only the people who can help us stay safe. NIMH specifically advises not promising secrecy when a person says they are going to kill themselves.
What if we are not in the same place?
Stay connected by phone or text while you contact people who can be physically present. Ask where your friend is and who nearby can reach them, then involve a trusted person or local emergency service. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 yourself for guidance as a concerned friend. If the situation is immediately life-threatening, call 911.
A practical conversation checklist
- Choose a private, calm opportunity when possible.
- Say what you have noticed and ask directly:
Are you thinking about suicide?
- Listen, acknowledge feelings, and avoid judgment, shock, lectures, and debate.
- Ask whether the person has a plan and whether the danger may be immediate.
- If they say they are going to kill themselves, do not leave them alone and do not promise secrecy.
- Tell a trusted person who can share responsibility.
- In the U.S., call or text 988 for crisis support; call 911 for an immediate life-threatening emergency.
- Help connect the person with a mental health professional for ongoing care.
- Discuss safe storage or reducing access to highly lethal means with trusted people and professionals when feasible.
- Follow up and continue supporting connection to care.
Reliable guidance and crisis contacts
NIMH: 5 Action Steps to Help Someone Having Thoughts of Suicide (revised 2024) lays out the sequence Ask, Be There, Help Keep Them Safe, Help Them Connect, and Follow Up.
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Help Someone Else explains direct conversation and support for a person at risk, including guidance for concerned friends.
NIMH: Frequently Asked Questions About Suicide addresses direct questions, secrecy, and emergency action.
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