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What happened at the holiday dinner?
In a letter signed “Family Friction,” a woman says she and her husband had told relatives ahead of time that they would leave if racist comments happened again. At a holiday gathering, a relative repeated the remarks. The couple left with their children instead of staying overnight as they had planned.
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The column describes the comments as “disgusting and violent,” but does not reproduce them or identify the relative or the group targeted. The account is the letter writer’s; it is not independently verified reporting.
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Were they out of line for leaving?
Dear Abby’s answer was no. “Your husband was not out of line, and I applaud you for taking a stand,” she wrote. The couple had set a clear boundary in advance and followed through when the conduct recurred.
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Other relatives reportedly blamed the husband for “ruining a perfectly nice family dinner” and said he should apologize to keep the peace. The letter writer also says relatives kept arranging meetings to confront the couple. Dear Abby rejected the idea that the husband was responsible for the disruption, writing: “By acting as a willing audience, your extended family became complicit in the hate speech.”
What does Dear Abby recommend they do next?
Dear Abby advised the couple to stop attending future gatherings unless relatives promise that the racist behavior will not happen again. The practical condition is not simply an invitation or a request that everyone move on: it is an assurance that the remarks will not recur.
The response does not prescribe how the couple should verify that promise or what to do if relatives later break it. The advice is limited to declining future gatherings without that assurance.
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Where was the column published?
The reproduced column is attributed to the New York Post and appeared on Paprclips, which lists October 3, 2026, as its publication date. The New York Post’s original page and the individual who wrote this particular response were not separately verified. Paprclips identifies Abigail Van Buren as the writer of Dear Abby and says Jeanne Phillips penned the column for nearly four decades, but those details do not establish authorship of this specific answer. Read the reproduced Dear Abby column on Paprclips.
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